Take that, “Rachel”

I don’t know who “Consumer Card Services” is, but they need to stop calling me.

Especially when I’ve just gotten home from work and all I want to do is sit and have a cup of coffee in peace because my husband is at work, my son is still in school and the house is (except for the cat throwing a hissy fit because she thinks she needs to be fed RIGHT NOW except she doesn’t) totally quiet.

Especially if I’m feeling in a snarky mood and have just pulled up a bunch of Dr. Phil soundbites on the computer.

Operator: Hello. Would you like to learn more about lowering your credit card interest rate today?

Dr. Phil: HELLO!

Operator: Um..hello. Would you like to learn more about lowering your credit card interest rates today?

Dr. Phil: Is that a logical thing to do?

Operator: Um..yeah. I guess. So. Which credit card would you like to lower the interest rate on today?

Dr. Phil: Why don’t you tell me what the problem is?

Operator: There is no problem, sir. I just need the information on which credit card you’d like to lower the interest rate on.

Dr. Phil: Do you have a problem, son?

Operator: Sir?

Dr. Phil: Are you taking medication?

Operator: I..uh..I don’t see how um..that’s relevant to this conversation, sir. Can I please have your credit card information so I can tell you how to lower your interest rate?

Dr. Phil: You don’t have the right to do that!

Operator: Sir, you pressed ‘one’ for more information. May I please help you learn how to lower your credit card interest rate?

Dr. Phil: I didn’t do nothing wrong. THIS IS A BIG DEAL!

Operator: Sir, I know it’s a big deal. PLEASE give me your information so I can help you lower your interest card rate.

Dr. Phil: You, uh, are a paranoid controller. I’m not mad at you.

At this point, the operator hung up. Either he realized he was being trolled or he was just frustrated with his inability to get any information out of his ‘customer’. I, on the other hand, was trying very hard not to bust a gut laughing because I’ve gotten called by these guys I don’t even know how many times. Being on the national do-not-call list is a joke because these guys (from what I’ve read anyway) operate from overseas where the U.S. government can’t touch them anyway. I figured, why not have a little harmless fun with them? It kinda serves them right for calling me in the first place when I’ve tried every method short of disconnecting my phone altogether to get rid of these guys. I have call block on my phone but once it gets filled up (I’m only allowed 12 numbers to block), then I have to erase all the numbers I’ve blocked and start over. Which means I’m constantly blocking and erasing because I get on average of about three to four of these phone calls A DAY. So really, the call block doesn’t do me all that much good because they never use the same phone number twice although it’s always “Rachel” or one of her sisters (I’ve also  heard them use the names Ashley and Brittany before) calling me, begging me to lower the interest rate on my (non existant) credit cards.

Once, in a fit of frustration, I pressed one and asked the operator on the other end how to get off their freaking list. The guy tried to extort me for money.

Me: So how do I get off your list?

Operator: You got a pen?

Me: Uh..yeah. (I totally didn’t though)

Operator: Take down this address and then go to Western Union and send me $700, ok?

Me: WHAT THE FUCK? Are you kidding me?

Operator: That’s how you get off my list, baby.

Me: No. I refuse to pay any money to get off a list I didn’t even want to be on in the first damn place and I sure as hell am not sending you seven hundred of my hard earned dollars.

Operator: Then you’ll never get off my list, baby. I’ll call you every day, fifteen times a day, until you break.

Me: Good luck with that.

Then there was the guy who tried to pick me up.

Me: Yes, can you please tell me how to get off your list?  I really don’t want to receive these phone calls anymore.

Operator: I can’t do that..but what I can do is take YOU out on a date. You sound like one red hot mama.

Me: I’m married. >_<

Operator: Aw..don’t married women like to have no fun?

I’ve given up. These people have WON. I don’t know how to get rid of them, the government is obviously at a loss as to how to deal with them. I guess I’m just stuck with them, like everybody else.



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