For the majority of my life, I’ve never really felt pretty. Even when I was a kid, nobody was all “Oh aren’t you just so cute?”. Even in a baby beauty pageant, the best I was able to do was Miss Congeniality because I wasn’t even cute as a baby.
Small wonder I’ve always had issues with my own femininity. I don’t like dresses and abhor high heeled shoes. Except for a period in high school where I dressed mostly in black and wore Gothic style makeup, I’ve never really worn makeup either. I know what I should be wearing (courtesy of my favorite beauty/lifestyle vlogger, EllkoNYC, on Youtube)but I’ve never really bought what I feel a woman of my age (who frankly ought to be wearing makeup because I’m not exactly a spring chicken with fresh dewy skin anymore) should be wearing.
So today, I went to the Dollar Tree (because I’m cheap like that) and bought a tube of something labeled as “BB Cream”. Not really sure what the BB stands for (Google assures me it’s “burn balm”) and I was honestly skeptical about how I would look with this on my face. I know that BB cream is all the rage right now because it’s a weird combination of lotion, medicinal face stuff and makeup. I picked the tube of color I thought was most appropriate for my skin and took it home, along with some pressed powder and a new eye shadow palette. When I got it home, I squeezed a dollop out onto my fingertip, amazed at how pale it was. Like, sheet of paper white. And I am definitely not.
However, once I smeared it on my skin and got it blended in nicely (despite not having a blender sponge), it actually didn’t look half bad. I dotted some pressed powder on top of it and to my surprise, I actually looked…OK. Like..almost pretty. Which was kind of a weird feeling for me.
I know I’m not drop dead gorgeous and never have been and never will be (barring a major amount of surgery, I’m sure). But at least now I’ll feel more confident about the way I look, which I’m not always sure of. I didn’t think that a little bit of some off brand creamy makeup -lotion-medicinal stuff would look that good on my skin which I know isn’t in the best of shape since I’ve been a sun worshipper from a very young age. But it helps. And that’s what’s important.