I solemnly SWEAR..I am up to no good

Tonight, I popped by the ScaryMommy website and happened to read an article listing reasons why the author swears in front of (and apparently at) her children.

My favorite reason was probably #4, “Because parenting is a series of inscrutable WTF moments”. Because I’ve been there. Like when I tried to catch my son’s vomit in my hands (this was when he was a toddler) in order to preserve the carpet. Or the time a couple of years ago when I tried to catch vomit in my hands for probably the hundredth time..while in a restaurant. Bubs had stuffed himself stupid and I knew about 2 seconds before he spewed that he was going to do so. The bathroom was less than ten steps away and I STILL didn’t manage to get him there in time. So I had vomit all over me and it was all over the floor of the restaurant and all over the waiter’s pants. I felt SO  terribly bad about that. We left him a big tip, to help cover (hopefully anyway) the dry cleaning bill.

I’m sure most parents out there have, at one time or another, swore either in front of or at their kids. If you’re like me and you typically have the kind of vocabulary that would make a sailor blush with shame, then yeah. It happens from time to time. But from some of the comments on this woman’s article, you’d have thought that she was saying we should all hold our kids’ feet to the fire (literally) and then laugh when they screamed in pain.

A lot of the comments were of the pearl-clutchy, self-righteous, holier-than-thou, “Oh my dear Lord”-ing type. Which kind of bothered me, to be honest. A person can be an excellent parent and still swear, you know. Not swearing in front of your kids doesn’t make you some sort of saint. Or maybe it does..because you have more restraint than I do. I don’t swear in front of my son OFTEN..but I have done it.

Mostly when I choose to swear in front of him, I do it in other languages so I get the satisfaction of swearing while he just stares at me because he has no idea what I’m saying. “Che casino! Che bordello!E” –which is Italian for “Oh my GOD what a fuck up!” are probably my favorites next to “Ba’Qa baktag!” (Klingon) and “Enfer” (French).


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