My cranky old lady kitty is an asshole

Dear cranky old lady kitty,


For the love of crap on a stick why, after almost 18 years, have you decided that NOW is the time to start:

-jumping up to the counters where you don’t belong

-jumping on the table, where you don’t belong

-jumping up behind the TV where you DEFINITELY don’t belong and also managed to somehow unplug the power cord from the TV base

-attempting to scale MY PANTS like Mount Everest. With me inside them. Ouch.

-standing there crying like I’m beating you because you ate a small hole in the pile of dry kibble I leave out for you

–standing there wailing like the world is coming to an end because one side of your two compartment water dish is half empty and has once dry but now soggy kibble floating in it

–puking in the middle of the the middle of the night. Which means I have to get out of bed, change the sheets (it’s too hot for a damn comforter right now) and remake the bed.

At 2 frigging AM. I was NOT amused. At all.

–sleeping with your butt in my face and farting in my face all night. Gee thanks. Just what I inhale cat hair and smelly farts all night.


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