Nobody ever said this shit was easy

Right now, I can’t afford a gym membership and I don’t have any equipment at home except a totally ancient 80’s-era  exercise bike in the garage which I dislike because it’s louder than all get out. Plus..sitting on the seat for more than about five minutes makes my butt go numb. That’s never good.

So the only options I’m left with really are to do half walk/half swimming laps in our HOA pool which isn’t deep enough to do proper swimming laps (it’s only about 5 feet deep at the deepest part) or to walk. So I’ve been choosing to walk, even though right now it’s hotter than the devil’s buttcrack after downing a peck basket full of Thai ghost chilis. I’m not kidding. I went out at 8:30 this morning and as I passed the digital sign outside our football stadium (about a 15-20 min walk from our house), it stated the temperature was already about 90 degrees. And it was kind of humid because apparently it rained a tiny little bit last night. So not necessarily the BEST weather to go walking in. By the time I reached the 7-11 (about a mile from my house), I was drenched in sweat when I walked inside the blessedly cool convenience store for a drink. I grabbed a diet Dr. Pepper (hey..don’t judge. That’s my drug of choice these days) and headed back out for the return trip (about 30 min).

I want to get into a better shape than I am now and lose weight. Ideally, I would have gastric bypass done to help me control how much I’m eating (my mother in law had this done and if she eats too much, it makes her throw up) so I could lose weight. I’ve battled my weight for years as well as a tendency to both over eat and eat emotionally. But I’m not considered overweight enough at around 200 lbs to be a candidate for gastric bypass.

So that means it’s really up to me to find a way to drop the weight and I figure exercising more is as good a place to start as any. Right? I’ve also started skipping breakfast most days, only downing a cup of decaf with 3 sugars and maybe a dollop of milk. I don’t know if that helps either, but it’s really the only thing I can think of to do. Because I’ve tried pretty much every diet out there barring Paleo and Keto. I’ve done South Beach, I’ve done Atkins, I’ve done the Military diet and the Scarsdale diet and the Grapefruit diet and pretty much every other trendy diet that’s ever come down since the mid 80s. And I’ve never been able to stick with any of them for very long.

I don’t know where else to go now..I love to eat, especially breads and pasta, so Paleo and Keto are both out since you can’t have those things. The only thing I can think of left to do is just to increase the amount of exercise I do every day and hope that helps do SOMETHING for my weight.

Because I’m tired of being ‘that fat mom’ when I pick up my kid from school. Most of the other moms in the car line are thin and toned and tanned and blonde and wearing LuluLemon or LulaRoe or whatever the hell is trendy right now. And there I am with my sad little tanktop and slightly baggy shorts or jeans. I look downright awful next to them with their perfectly done hair and nails and makeup.  I feel like I don’t belong there and truth be told, I probably don’t because I”m not like them.

But I can only be who I am and the only way to fix this broken part of me is to work on it as hard as I can. It’s not going to be easy. It’s probably going to be the toughest thing I’ve ever done in my life, truth be told. But if I want to look like them, I need to put the work in.

And I’ve got a lot of work ahead of me.

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4 thoughts on “Nobody ever said this shit was easy

  1. I live in a wealthy town, and see the trophy mums all the time. Here’s the thing – you only see them so often because they are trying to be seen. There is an army of people just like you that are too damned busy to spend your life “being seen”. Trust me.

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    1. I know. And back when I was a stay at home mom, I was able to walk for 2-3 hrs every day and while I was still considered “overweight” for my height at around 160 lbs, I looked pretty damn good and I had gorgeous legs. Over the last two years, that’s changed completely and I want that back. I just have to suck it up and do it, which is the hard part because I tend to just give up when things get too hard.

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  2. I hear you… I can’t deal with all these trendy diets that take away my favourite foods and which I am never going to stay on anyway. The weight gain you experience when you fall off those diets is so much worse than the way you felt BEFORE going on them… my current trick is to put some thought into my portion sizes. My doctor told me a serving of most things is about the size of my fist, except meat which is the size of my palm. As it turns out, once I think of the food on my plate that way, it gives me some perspective. Also, some of my extra poundage peeled off pretty easily, which makes it easy to keep thinking about portions. So that’s my thing. And kudos to you for walking in the heat. I have the opposite problem – Canadian Mountains = too dang cold = frost on your scarf when you walk because your breath freezes and then your eyelashes start to frost over and you start thinking only polar bears should walk in the cold.

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    1. The last few weeks I’ve been trying to keep my portion sizes more “normal” and to log everything I eat by writing it down in a notebook. Not sure if it’s helping..but it makes me feel like I’m more in control.

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