Working on myself

It’s been a rocky few days. I had a bit of a mental meltdown about a week ago and with school starting yesterday, it’s been a little crazy around here.

I have to be at work at 6:45. My son’s bus comes at 7 am. This morning, I dropped him off where the bus picks him up in front of my school, reminded him that the bus doesn’t come till 7 and went to work. He came back inside my school 5 minutes later, about to have a massive meltdown because he was afraid he’d missed the bus. I told him the bus would be there in ten minutes and to go back outside to the bus stop. That if it did’t arrive by 8 am, to come back inside and find me.

He didn’t come back inside, so I have to assume he got on the bus. I was a nervous wreck all morning though because I had no idea if he actually got on the bus or not.

 

My job is a lot harder than people think it would be. I’m on my feet all day, lifting, bending and twisting. By the time I get off work at 2, my feet and ankles are really really swollen and sore and my back is KILLING me.

I’ve decided that, in the hopes that it helps because it sure as hell can’t make things worse (right?), I’m going to start doing yoga. I bought a yoga mat off of Amazon the other day and it came today. There are a couple of little bubble spots in the graphic and the whole mat stinks of chemicals (as do I, now that I’ve used it. Fabulous.). But overall, it’s a nice cushiony mat that I didn’t slide off of (which is a plus, given that I’m a)fat and b)tend to sweatiness in my feet). I followed along with a beginner’s yoga video on Youtube while secretly wanting to slap the teacher because she was so freaking skinny and implied that if I did enough yoga, I would be too. Lady..I’d have to drop 100 lbs (which wouldn’t be healthy for me) to be skinny. I am short. And fat. And tend towards looking more like a tree stump with legs than anything any Barbie doll ever looked like.

I’m getting off topic and distracted, which happens all. the. time. Sorry.

I’m going to have around 2 hrs every day once I get off work to come home and do whatever it is I need to do. I am, as of today, committing myself to yoga practice every day when I get home (barring weekends of course). I know that with time it will get better and less weird..or at least I hope it will. I’ve been having a rough time lately and part of that is caused by my lack of flexibility (both mentally and physically). I’ve also ordered a japa mala¬†because I want to start meditating every evening before bed and I need something to hold onto while I do it. I’m SO ADHD I can’t sit still without something in my hands to keep them busy so I can focus. Hence the prayer beads.

I chose the yoga mat I did for more than the “Ooh tigers are COOL.” factor. I’m a cat person. I’ve always been a cat person. Throughout my entire life, in some form or another, I’ve always had a cat–whether that was an actual physical flesh and blood cat or just a cat figurine or statue (my mom is known for collecting them. She’s had them on display in several local places because she has a crap ton). So I feel that doing yoga (which is hard) on a mat adored with a creature I feel connected to because they are strong and powerful is good for my soul. The japa mala I ordered also comes with a cat dangling pendant thing which is what made me order that particular one in the first place, since I’m so drawn to cats.

 

Um.

 

I was going to finish this with something really spiritual sounding and wise and all that crap but I’ve totally forgotten what it was.

 

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