Overwhelmed

So I spent the morning cleaning house and doing laundry (none of which has been folded yet, by the way). I meant to take a break this afternoon for a couple hours and then tackle the pantry but I just..I can’t.

I took one look in there and even though I have a list written out as to what needs to be done..it’s just too overwhelming. I spent all day yesterday cleaning house and finished up this morning which took me about three hours.

I can’t make myself go into that pantry and clean it out and re-organize it because I just don’t have enough spoons left today. It’s just too much. I want to clean it out but I need help and there’s nobody to help me today. Husband is at work (he’s been working 10-12 hr days six days a week for months now) and I have no friends to speak of (no..I really don’t. Because I suck at being friends with people. And it’s just rude, if you ask me, to ask a friend to come help you do something as boring as cleaning out a closet. Friends don’t make friends do shit like that, right? I don’t know) so..really? Who is there to help me? Nobody.

This is why depression sucks ass. I want to go clean out that closet but my brain is going “You have done SO MUCH cleaning over the last couple of days, why don’t you take a break?” and “What’s the point if it’s just gonna get messy again in a week anyway?” and “Of COURSE you’re not gonna clean it out because you’re lazy. So quit pretending you’re actually NOT lazy, mmkay? Because we all know the truth, sweetheart.”

Sometimes I hate my brain.

 

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4 thoughts on “Overwhelmed

  1. Even without depression I often think about things I do routinely week after week and I like to think about the long term. The thing is I have to do these things like laundry over and over again, but it’s a lot more manageable to think well, it’s easier to do a small load of laundry every week or two then a massive all day affair every month. Also I think some levels of friendship you totally could ask someone to help you clean, but creating that community is hard. I hear you I don’t feel I have a lot of people I can just call up when I need them. I hope you’re able to give yourself some grace today!!

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