A typical Saturday

7:30–drag myself out of bed, make coffee and breakfast

8:30–I make up my mind that I am going to 767795562140509612

Usually starting with the back bathroom because that’s where the catbox is and it’s the one we use the most so it’s usually the grossest. I plug in my earbuds, throw on a podcast or some New Found Glory (one of my favoritest ever cover bands. Seriously..if punk rock and pop made an illegitimate love child together, this band would be it) so I can totally ROCK OUT while I’m cleaning.

9:30–The back bathroom and master bedroom are reasonably cleaned up and the laundry is sorted. Perhaps even one load is in the dryer. I have been a VERY GOOD GIRL and so I deserve a short break. The FlyLady (who is a cleaning goddess that I can’t even come CLOSE to living up to) says I do.

11:30–::yawn:: Has it really been TWO hours I’ve been watching YouTube videos of Irish people trying things they’ve never tried before? I better make some lunch.

12:30–::yawn:: I am SO sleepy. I should take a nap.

2:30–Oh crap..my husband is coming home soon. I should totally clean up the rest of the house and finish the laundry. :cue “Flight of the Bumblebee”:

3:30–Hi dear. Oh, you have to stay and close tonight? WHAT A SHAME. Thank god the house is clean though right, hahahha? (It’s not really)

4:30–The kitchen has been sorta cleaned up and all the laundry that was in the laundry room is now scattered about the living room in tall white baskets that I can now trip over in the middle of the night when I get up to make myself some fairy bread (which is Austrailian for “white bread with butter and dipped in sprinkles because we’re FANCY like that, yo”) and chocolate milk because my brain is being an asshole and refuses to go to sleep. Instead, it prefers to show me graphic car crash footage over and over while Soul Asylum’s “Runaway Train” plays over the footage. Sometimes I really HATE my brain.

5:30–dinner is done. Now go take a bath you stinky kid. How is it possible you smell like a half-rotted skunk when you’ve done nothing all day? GO GET CLEAN. And no, sitting in a half inch of water for thirty seconds before lightly tossing some over your head like you’re baptizing yourself does not count as a bath.

 

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