Husband: So what are you gonna do all day since you’re off today? Clean the house, right?
Me: No. I am going to do the things that are most important right now, namely clean the catbox because I’ve been a bad kitty mom and not cleaned it for three days. Then I’m going to start the laundry and spend the rest of the day in bed drinking tea and watching Netflix.
Husband: You’re not THAT sick.
Me: I feel like ass. My nose is stopped up, I can’t stop coughing and my chest is hurting because of that. I’m pretty sure I’m running a fever too. So I’m going to do what a normal person does. I’m taking a goddamned sick day.
Husband: Alrighty then. I’ll see you when I get home from work.
(Because he knows not to mess with me when I don’t feel well. In addition to feeling sick, I’m dealing with depression and joint issue flare ups due to the fact that it’s been rainy and overcast since last week and now, thanks to Arctic winds or something, temperatures have dropped to like IDK..the 30s or something. And this blows. And makes me want to EAT ALL THE THINGS! which is not good for me. I consumed almost an entire large box of malted milk balls last night while watching The Jungle Book on Netflix. I felt like throwing up afterwards, but that would just be a waste of good milk balls. Also temperatures doesn’t look like it’s spelled right. My brain keeps seeing “tempura” and “tures”. Not sure what tures are..but they’re probably not good)
EDIT: I spent the morning in bed binging episodes of Fuller House season 2 and sleeping. I have since had a plate of pity nachos and a vanilla Dr. Pepper (which, btw..holy crap is it cold outside). I believe I am now ready to take on the chore of getting the laundry done and maybe cleaning the house a wee bit. Yay for the power of pity nachos and vanilla Dr. Pepper!
Edit 2: Goddamn you Pinterest..and Amazon..and Reddit..for making me sit here for an hour when I said I was just going to check my email. Gah. As my son would say “Hashtag TIME SUCKER UPPER!”