That one time when I got a weird rash..or cancer..or a weird rash

So Friday afternoon, around dinner time, I notice that I’ve suddenly got a large weird rash on both forearms. Like this thing is HUGE, covering my forearms from my elbow to my wrist just about. And it doesn’t just sort of hurts. And it’s just..THERE. Staring at me. Saying “LOOKITME! LOOK AT ME! I’m huge and rrrred. I am glorious in my rrrredness, am I not?” (Because I don’t know about you, but my imaginary rash voice rolls its R’s.)

So I do what any sane person would do..I turn to Google. Because I know darn good and well I haven’t come into contact with anything that day that would cause me to have this massive puffy red rash. My first thought is “Hey. I bet this is shingles. I wonder what shingles looks like?”. Because like millions of people, I carry the thing that causes shingles inside me. When I got chicken pox, it was still the late 80s and a few years before a chicken pox vaccine even existed.  So any time I get a weird rash, my first thoughts aren’t “This is a weird rash. Huh. I wonder how I got this.”, they’re “Huh. I wonder if this is shingles.”

You know, you’d think by now I’d know better than to look up medical stuff on Google because now I’m pretty much convinced that my weird rash is either lupus or cancer or some weird secret rash that nobody has a name for yet. Over the course of the last 24 hrs or so, it’s faded a bit and it’s not AS sore. But it’s still very much there. I tried taking Benadryl last night, but it didn’t do jack all for my rash. And neither did using cortisone cream. I’m hoping it fades/heals enough by Monday that I can go to work. I don’t know if I’ll be able to if I still have evidence of this weird rash that came out of nowhere…I’ll have to check with the office on Monday morning and see.

I mean, it’s probably not lupus or cancer or an undiagnosed autoimmune issue. Probably. The human body is weird and does weird things, especially mine.

But then again…maybe it is. Dr. House says nobody ever suspects lupus until it is lupus. Or something along those lines.



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