I had a whole entry written out, ready to publish but when I looked at it, proofreading before I hit the “Publish” button I stopped.
When I logged into my WordPress account a little while ago, I had a comment on one of my entries (I forget which one right now) that was very hurtful and mean. I read it, considered it for half a second and then deleted it.
Even though the words are long gone, they still hurt like an arrow to the chest. I think I just need to disappear off this blog for awhile so I can..figure out how to be more like..well..not myself. Maybe if I tried harder at not being myself, at being the person these mean commenters (and it’s been the same person several times now but I always delete their comments because they’re so mean) think I should be they’d leave me alone.
That’s what my teachers in school used to say when I would get picked on and beat up. “You need to try harder to fit in. If you tried harder to fit in, they’d leave you alone.”