The best Halloween

Today is Halloween and of course, everybody’s sharing pictures and stories from Halloweens past.

The only Halloweens I REALLY remember from growing up are
1. The one where I was dressed in a plastic muumuu type garment with one of those stifling plastic masks you can’t see out of. I think I was G1 Rainbow Dash.

This is the only image I could find of the costume that I probably wore.

2. The Halloween when I was 16 and dressed as a “car accident victim” by dressing up in a shirt that was artificially bloodied with cheap gray, black and red makeup (the kind you buy at the Dollar Tree for Halloween that comes in one of those little plastic triangles and has a vampire or some shit on the packaging) streaked all over my face and arms. I forget what my sister and her best friend (who came with us) were dressed as. Probably witches or something. Anyway….my mom wanted to take my brother (age 10) trick or treating and she told me I had to take my sister and her friend (age 13) out trick or treating. We spent probably 5 hours (maybe 6, I don’t really remember) wandering through our neighborhood, trick or treating and causing what I would now call low level, mostly harmless, idiotic, teenage Halloween mischief. We kicked in a few pumpkins. We moved decorations around in people’s yards and helped ourselves to a few rubber insects that were lying out just because at other houses. My sister’s friend K outright lifted a witch-themed windsock from one yard while the homeowner stood in her kitchen and watched us do it. One house we went to, towards the very end of the night, was out of candy and the homeowner apologized. He asked us to wait a minute and said he’d be right back. He came back..with a full sized bag of Doritos and two loaves of bread. That was definitely the highlight of the evening…we go out for candy (which we got loads of ) and come back with freaking groceries. I’m STILL amused by that.

There was also the year, shortly after we moved into this house, when I didn’t have any candy to give out on Halloween and I was worried about ‘doing it right’. So, on the way home from work that night, I stopped by a local park and gathered about 20-30 egg-sized stones from one of the flower beds to give out. When I told one person about it the next day, I was given an earful. What if the kids think they’re candy and try to eat them and break a tooth? Well..serves their parents right for not checking their bags and kids aren’t stupid enough (usually) to mistake a rock the size of their tiny fists for food. What if they got mad, remembered which house gave them the stupid rock and I got the rock back…through a window? I shrugged at that one because I know when I was a kid, it was dark out and that can be kinda confusing so you don’t really remember which house is which unless it’s super decorated which ours isn’t (and never has been because that’s not my jam). Actually, I thought it was funny to hand out rocks because to me, it was kind of a Charlie Brown’s Great Pumpkin sort of thing and I have a really strange sense of humor.

Happy Halloween, y’all. Be safe out there tonight!

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