You Can’t Fix Stupid Friday–Set The World (or at least the microwave) on fire edition

Y’all…I effed up.

The other night, my right ankle was feeling like the Rock took a 40 lbs sledgehammer to it.


I had DIY heating pad I’d made from some dry white rice and one of my husband’s old socks that he’d put a hole in the leg of. So I threw it in the microwave for about 90 seconds and limped down the hallway to his office to answer a question he’d yelled out for me. I came back into the kitchen and the second I opened the microwave there was smoke coming out of it. I calmly grabbed the end of the sock that was NOT on fire and limped over to the sink with it. I was afraid that it would catch fire and make MORE smoke, which would set off our smoke detectors. They’re all connected and if one goes off, they ALL go off.

Without thinking about it, I doused the sock in cold water, which sent up even more smoke. Smoke that didn’t just smell like normal smoke. It stank. Craaaaaaaaaap. I grabbed the sock (which now had a hole burned in the toe, where blackened rice had started to spill out), dropped it into a plastic cup (I blame my pain-brain for this. When I’m having a pain flare up, I don’t think straight sometimes. Stupid pain-brain.) and carried the whole thing out to the garage. I didn’t even think (though Hubs mentioned it later) that it could still catch fire, because it was still sort of hot at the time. Fortunately, it didn’t. It just smoked a little and stunk up the garage.

Then I tried to light some smelly candles to get rid of the awful smell. I couldn’t get them lit. We have those stupid fire-lighter things that you have to press down on the button AND pull the trigger at the same time and I just could not do it. I don’t have the best grip strength even when I’m not tired (as I was that day, because I’d done 6 miles at the gym and then came home and spent the rest of the day cleaning the house and taking down the Christmas tree finally). I had to use BOTH hands to use hand to hold down the button and the other to pull the trigger.

Click. Click. Click click click.

The darn thing just would not light and I was starting to get annoyed. Finally, after what seemed like the 1,000th click and me muttering curse words under my breath, it lit…just long enough for me to get the stupid smelly candles lit.

I’ve done some screwed up things..but I haven’t done something THAT dumb in a long time.

At least it wasn’t flames shooting out of the toaster from me way overcooking a Pop-Tart this time.

Pass the tequila.


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