I stayed up late last night to finish the laundry and when I did eventually crawl into bed, shortly after midnight, I couldn’t sleep. I was having a minor panic attack.
I just laid in bed, trying to fall asleep and failing because my brain was spewing lies, endlessly.
You’re not a real writer. You know why nobody has donated to you Ko-Fi? Because you’re nothing but a talentless hack, you know that right? Because you steal shit from other bloggers and even if you try to put ‘your twist’ (whatever THAT means) on it, everybody knows you’re just copying other more popular bloggers because you’re not creative enough to come up with stuff on your own.
Make up your mind. Do you want to be famous or do you just want to be another voice that nobody listens to? Because you have GOT to make up your mind. WHICH IS IT?
Do you really think anybody gives a shit about what you write? I mean, look at your subs list. It’s at least half bots, if not more than that. NOBODY CARES.
Oh..and you’re a shitty mom. You spend far too much time dealing with your depression and not enough time focused on your husband and son. You are just phoning it in. Lazy parenting. That’s what you are. A lazy parent. You SUCK.
You know your annual review that’s coming up at work soon? You’ll be lucky if you don’t get fired, because you suck at your job. You’re TERRIBLE and you’re not as good at being a team player as (Coworker A, Coworker B and Coworker C). You suck.
You know that number on the scale? Don’t ever expect it to go down…because you’re a fucking food addict. You can’t go a damn DAY without Diet Dr. Pepper, you realize that right? You’ll always be fat and lumpy. Nobody loves a fat, lumpy middle aged mom. Why can’t you be more like (Sister In Law)? She is the SAME age as you and barely weighs 10 lbs more than she did in high school. She’s HOT. You’re not even close to hot, unless you find Jabba the Hut sexy. YOU SUCK.
I’m still struggling this morning (well, afternoon almost now, I guess). I didn’t get much sleep and I’ve had almost no energy this morning. I feel like the whole world is just sitting on my shoulders right now.
And all I can hear is my brain, spitting out these horrible lies all over me that I just don’t have the strength to brush off right now.