Code Red

I’ve been hovering on the edge of a code red, level 10 panic attack for the last 8 hours. And there’s nothing I can do about it one way or the other right now. I’m trying to calm myself down with the breathing techniques I’ve learned through meditation, but it’s not helping much.

 

I did slide into my boss (who is awesomeness personified)’s DMs on Facebook and let her know that while I was showing up tomorrow (as required), I might be a little ragged. And it might be that way the entire first week or longer. I didn’t know. I told her I couldn’t really talk about it right now to her or anyone  and that I am currently hovering on the edge of a massive panic attack.

Because I am that scared right now. I don’t think I’ve ever been more terrified in my entire life. I don’t know how much sleep I’ll get tonight.

I haven’t even told my husband and I don’t know how he’ll react. We went through something similar (well, kind of but not really) years ago and I’m just..freaking out. I’m assuming he’ll be angry at me for saying the things I did (even though they were true) and probably just as angry at Dr. Butthole’s brother for saying the things he did TO me. I can’t think too clearly right now because my heart feels like it’s about to pound of my chest and I can feel a panic attack just…hovering. Like I’m going to just explode out of my skin.

This sucks so hard.

 

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