Feeling conflicted AF at the moment

Mostly because I don’t know if I should continue to blog or not. If it’s worth it when nobody reads it (well..outside of YOU guys and you know who you are) or even gives a crap. When most of my “subscribers” (or whatever) are just idiotic bots because that’s what I seem to attract the most of.

Sometimes, I would think of things I wanted to share and then said, “Oh no wait, I can’t. What if I say the wrong thing and somebody gets upset and sends me a threatening letter..again?”

I’m still not convinced that I’m NOT going to get sued by You Know Who even though I haven’t heard a peep out of him in about 3 weeks now. He’s turned into my own personal boogieman.

I…just don’t know. Like..I want to grow my blog and shit but then I when I try to find out ways of doing that, it just seems like an AWFUL amount of money (which I don’t currently have) and work (which I don’t want to do, because I’m lazy AF). Plus there are the tax implications of starting a business, as I recently learned when my husband had a minor meltdown over me selling a hand-made blanket via Facebook Marketplace (which I didn’t actually sell because he was too afraid the IRS was going to come after us so I took the posting down to calm his anxiety).

I’m trying to work my way through my current depressive episode, which is only making my anxiety that much worse but there’s only so much I can do on my own. I don’t have health insurance at the moment (due to Hubs’ new job he started in July) so I have to just rely on myself.


As usual.

I’ve been hanging out at 7Cups.com a lot (which has been semi-helpful) and breathing and praying like a novice nun and doing a LOT of crochet and eating..well..everything. It’s not good for me, I know, but I try to balance that out with going to the gym and pedaling to absolutely nowhere for an hour while I watch Netflix (which I am borrowing from a friend who has it but says she doesn’t watch it enough but she doesn’t want to NOT have Netflix so..win?).

This is, ultimately, a bump..no..a RUT..in the road that I’ll eventually find a way through or out of or SOMETHING.


Song of the Day: Just Give Me a Reason–Pink


5 thoughts on “Feeling conflicted AF at the moment

  1. I’m sorry to hear that things have been not good lately. 😦 And I’m sorry to admit that I haven’t been keeping up with what’s been going on, if you were blogging about it, because I’ve a had a hectic couple of months and not had much time to interact on WordPress.

    I hope you decide to keep writing! …as long as you can keep at it and still feel emotionally well. Blogging can be draining, but I enjoy seeing what you write.

    This is the first I’ve heard of small online sales being a tax issue. I never even thought to look into it! 😬 Now I’m glad I accidentally let my Etsy listings expire.

    This is also the first I’ve heard of 7Cups. Have you been using that for awhile? It seems interesting from what I could see so far; I think I’ll be looking into it more when I get time.

    Anyway… bots suck, bloggers are cool, and I hope you feel better soon! 💕


    1. Everything related to the dude who wanted to sue me, I made private so that just in case he was TRYING to find anything else on me, he couldn’t use my blog as more fuel for his overrated stupid fire.

      7Cups is something I discovered accidentally when I was having to really hold myself back from having a level 10 do not pass go, go directly to the ER for a shot of Ativan panic attack during the whole ‘am I or am I not going to get sued’ thing a few weeks ago. It really helps for me to just talk to somebody who can listen nonjudgementally and offer advice. They also have the option for you to pay to talk to a licensed therapist if you feel like you want/need to.


  2. Don’t be afraid to put yourself out there! I enjoy your posts immensely and anyone who doesn’t, f*ck them! I know you are traumatized by the horrible incident with Dr. Butt Hole and his brother. Best keep these service complaints to Yelp (or yourself). Otherwise, keep it up, girl! You got it!


  3. Okay, something weird happened and my comment wouldn’t post, so I’ll try this one more time. I just wanted to say that I hope you continue to blog and I’m sorry that you went through the hell that you recently had to go through! You have a lot to say and it’s worth reading! Mona


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