I am not qualified to render judgment

My thoughts and prayers go out to the people of the Permian Basin up in Midland-Odessa. You did not deserve to go through this. WE, as a state, did not deserve to go through this crap again.

But all the “rah rah rah Imma get a gun and a license to concealed carry” isn’t going to make things better. Because you are most likely (ok, 99% probability here) not qualified to render judgement or deal out death on the person who is shooting up the (insert place here).

I cannot speak for my husband, but I know that I personally will not ever own a gun. Period. I grew up around gun culture and I know how to be safe with a gun. I had family members that would shoot anything that didn’t run away fast enough and serve it up for dinner. (Deer and duck are delicious. Possum and squirrel? Not so much.) I respect anyone who hunts or shoots guns for the fun of it. If you want to keep a gun in your house because you feel safer that way, then go ahead. I can’t and won’t stop you. But having a gun in the house would actually make me feel LESS safe, rather than more. Because I know myself and my husband well enough to know that if there were a burglary or a B&E, we might very well end up getting shot with the gun we bought to protect ourselves with. Or shot because we have a gun but so does the person breaking into our home to rob us and they’re better with theirs than we are with ours.

I am not going to live scared. I said it after Columbine. I said it after 9/11, when we boarded a plane to Florida just a few months after it happened. I said it after Colorado. I’ve said it after pretty much every school shooting that’s ever happened in the last decade. Living scared is no way to live your life, period. (Although I am terrified to drive on the freeway or highway because people around here drive like their ass is on fire ALL the time.)

I am not afraid of death. It is one of the incontrovertible truths of life (along with aging, getting sick and being responsible both to and for your own actions/thoughts). We all are going to die..tomorrow, next week, next year, who knows. We cannot know the time and place and manner. It’s just not possible (unless you’re psychic and then…maybe). I know that eventually, my body (which is already effed up in many ways) will slow down and eventually stop. I’m OK with that. It’s SUPPOSED to happen like that. I am supposed to take care of my body (which I try to do) but when it’s time, it’s just TIME. And I will be ready to go gentle (or maybe not so much, IDK) into that good night. Because I will have lived a long (hopefully), rather full and interesting (well, somewhat) life.

And if my husband doesn’t play “Bright Side of Life” at my party (I don’t want a funeral. Funerals kind of suck. I want a frigging PARTY. New Orleans jazz band doing a parade and all. ) I will come back and haunt his ass forever.


3 thoughts on “I am not qualified to render judgment

  1. we owned guns..hubby was military and we just…well. it was kind of expected. he was working nights, so when I heard someone fumbling with the door, my first thought was get the gun and make sure the kids are safe.
    I nearly shot my husband who had been relieved of his duty a few hours early. Thank god there was a button release on the gun that I had failed to remember. The average person has absolutely no need for a gun.


  2. Hey MT,
    Your post reminds me of when I was taking a death and dying course and we (the students) had to interview people regarding their beliefs about dying. I did a group discussion at an Easter get together and it was fascinating to ask a question and then have an entire group of people share what they believed. One young man wanted his life to have meaning long after he was gone. He wanted that legacy. That was what was important to him. He’d given it a lot of thought and he was probably 19 or 20. I asked people if they had wills and living wills. I was surprised at how many didn’t. Would they be willing to be put indefinitely on life support? Why or why not? Did they believe in an afterlife? There were a bunch of questions. I don’t remember them all. Anyway, I suppose it would be interesting to do the same thing regarding guns because everyone seems to have an opinion and some experience in the formation of their opinions. Anyway, I enjoyed your post!


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